As you watch the video, see some of the key points listed below. If you take the time to write down a few notes, the ex-English teacher in me wants you to know you’re 82% more likely to remember them come tomorrow. đ
There are 3 things to do before you start talking:
1. Know your âClear Intentions.â
- Express a regret?
- Damage control?
- Connection?
- Build trust?
- Set a boundary?
- Encourage more communication or more partnership with someone?
2. Hold Win/Win or Both/And potential by saying things like:
- We might have some different ideas about the how, but I still think ___ is important to us both. You agree?
- Iâm really hoping to come up with a solution we both are good with.
- I want to say some of whatâs up for me, but I want to hear your ideas in this, too.
- How can we problem solve together?
- I want to take accountability for my role in our fight the other day. I also really hope I can be seen for where I was trying to come from.
3. Take responsibility for your part in this relationship.
Even if you canât figure out how you couldâve done anything different, try holding an inquiry around questions like, âWhat was my part in this? What else could I have said/done/not said/not done? How could I have shown up differently?â
Just being willing to ask yourself these kinds of things will make a marked difference in how you show up during your difficult conversation. The âdefense-modeâ that people can viscerally feel, will be absent so theyâll be more apt to take their armor down as well.
And I promise you, not only will this make it more likely youâll have an open-hearted, productive conversation â even if intense â taking responsibility also gives you a practical starting point for reconnecting and problem solving.
In a nutshell: Taking. Responsibility. Builds. Trust. It sets the stage for partnership, for collaboration. Important for teams. Important for teenagers. For anyone youâd like to work better with, connect with, have more ease with. Itâs an absolute must.
